Merciful

Much ought to be said about the mercy and grace of God but I think my A level grades sum it up quite nicely.

After 3 weeks of false alarms, I finally found myself in the school hall waiting for my slip. Experienced a variety of emotions when Ms K finally handed it to me after some rambling about my absence (late) from the hall earlier. In order of appearance:

1. Disbelief- That I had nothing below a B.

2. Joy- Hooray.

3. Gratefulness- To God for being so merciful and saving me time and again (O levels, Promos, A levels) despite me always being ungrateful and complacent, not learning from my mistakes. Felt like I was being given a 9871245245240891-th chance at life.

4. Guilt- Upon realisation that it was by God's grace alone that I, the undeserving fool made it through.

5. Helplessness- For I didn't really dare to confront those who didn't do that well. I guess I'm not that good at words when it comes to comforting people and I felt really helpless just standing there watching some of my friends crying. There was also an awkward situation involving an inquiry into someone's results which I literally ran away from because of an unexpected reaction.

6. Confusion- Beh!? I had seriously made preparations for the worst but the unexpected circumstances I now found myself in was overwhelming.

7. Disappointment- An issue of my pride, which I should not be bothered with having already been blessed with such a miracle. But still, I thought about what I could have achieved if I had bothered to study harder.

And so the A levels are really all over now and for the better or for the worst, there is nothing I can do about anything.